Clarifications and more......

Catchy title huh? Could be a business. 'Have you recently stuck your foot in your mouth? Do you need something you said clarified? Well Clarifications and more has the perfect fit for that whoopsie comment you made yesterday. Come on by tell us what you said and we'll be glad to give you that much needed clarification.' If only.....

As far as yesterday's post goes, people please realize that a lot of things that are said on this blog are exaggerated. No I'm not making the events up, even the reactions are real, just sometimes exaggerated. One more thing....sarcasm is my best friend. It's the only friend I have, so when reading my thoughts please realize that this friend of mine never leaves. So for the next few lines I will attempt to leave sarcasm out of it.

These posts are exaggerated because that is all that is happening in my life. My life is boring. My car and my back make up all the news of my life. Pretty sad huh? (sry, little sarcasm there.) When I complain about my job and I say I am not going to be a banker for my next 20 years, I am met with comments such as 'But don't you want to be the best you can?' No not nessecarily, because I'll end up taking a 50% paycut because I did my best in a job I didn't like and they kept paying me more and more to keep me around til finally my time ran out. Now I'm not able to do anything else. (again, little sarcasm, sry) I would rather be happy than doing my best just for the sake of doing my best. I don't like living at home with my parents. I feel it is a hinderance to my life. I don't feel I can grow as a person and be happy with my self when I'm still needing permission and approvals.

The topic of friends: my father after reading my blog, points out that my brother is doing great, had a big turn around in just 2 months, why this downward turn for me? I don't know. I'm not happy. To be completely honest, with no canned answer, no politically correct sound bite...I moved back because I wanted to spend time with my sister. I was not able to do that in Lubbock and she had flown over 3000 miles to spend with her family in America. The least I could do was to be apart of that family. That is my honest to God reason, not excuse, for moving back. The sound bites I gave everyone were my logical excuses. People could say 'That makes sense.' or 'I can understand that.'
Truely having no friends within a 90 mile radius, I realize I owe an apology to some people in Lubbock. I am sorry for ever doubting my friends there. Of course absense makes the heart grow fonder, at least that's what my fortune cookie said tonight. I have been really thinking about transfering back. Granted with me I'll probably be too scared or talk myself out of it because it's just not logical.

I don't know. I have way too many thoughts spinning in my head I can't type 'em out fast enough. Maybe if I stop trying to vent everything, it will all settle down.

Goodnite. I'm going to cry it out.