Start of the week

I've been drained the last couple of days. My back has been killin me. I mean bent over head between the knees and still can't get it stretched out to feel good kind of hurtin. Today, tho it wasn't too bad. Thank god. Work had been pretty boring those couple of days.

I got paid today and it couldn't have come soon enough this time around. I got my first incentive for the year, rather from last quarter. It totaled a whoppin $2.63. But that's because I couldn't do anything that actually merits incentive. So my first order of business was to buy a wireless adapter for my notebook. I am writing on my notebook from the comfort of my own bed. Awoohoo!!!!

I have to give a speech tomorrow. Instead of introducing myself I have to introduce my partner to the class. Not bad. Speeches don't scare me.

En Espanol tho, I have to write a composition about a film we've been watching in class. Of course the composition has to be in Spanish. thank god for translator.com.

Cole showed me this really funny site www.collegehumor.com go to it. It's hilarious. It's a riot!

Yeah.....Goodnite! Muah

Blue skies I see....

Blue skies shining at me, nothing but blue skies do I see.
There were blue skies in OKC today. It was absolutely beautiful. It got to like 70 degrees. I had the windows down. Ah.......the good life. The weather completely made my day. I haven't had that happen in so long.

I have kinda put the apartment/house hunt on hold for the time being just because there are very few in my price range in the area I want. There will be something come up. Everyplace I go look at tell me that if I sign a year lease, the rent is cheaper. Of course. If I signed one now, ok not much of a problem. But if I wait much longer, I'll be in Europe and I don't want to make rent payments while on vacation. Besides, I have this funny feeling in the back of my head that when I get over there, I won't be coming back. But it's just a feeling.

My classes seem to be going well. They seem pretty easy. Intro to mass comms with Dr. Dean is the same class as Intro to Comm with Mr. Cute Hippie. But of course the class wasn't articulated, so I could transfer that credit from Tech. I still don't know what my grades were from last semester. I know two classes weren't very promising, but the other two should be A's. I just need to know.

I was watching the OU - OSU game last night for big monday and was so disappointed. I'm not a Poke fan by any means, but it's just wrong for OSU to lose to OU in basketball. Football, yeah ok, no big surprise, but basketball? Eddie is supposed to have the upper hand. During that game, there was a sign in the crowd that read, "pokes are for the facebook." I laughed my frickin ass off. Everyone else in the room thought I was choking, or wierd.

Well, I think I'm done for tonight.

Thank you and goodnight.

Friday night at home

It's friday night, and I'm at home. To an extent this is a bad thing. Then on the other end of the spectrum this is ok. Bad: It means I have no life. I have few friends here to hang out with on an average Friday night. OK: I have to be at work at 7:30 tomorrow morning. I don't like being up before the sun. It's just not natural. There's something fundamentally wrong with it. So I gotta go to sleep early.

Who's going to turn down a Junior Mint. It's chocolate; it's peppermint; it's delicious. You got a point. It's refreshing!!!!

So I've been trying to move out and my cousin's house was going up for rent. She's moving to southside, and I needed something in Edmond. Well, I'm talking to to her trying to figure out a time to come by and see it, and she talls me she talked to her landlord and they aren't going to rent it out after she moves. So YAY!!!! Back to square one.

I think I'm going to have to have another shot in my back. I've been trying to tough it out. But the past couple of days have not been good. Every twist, bend, step is just painful. I can't even pop my back.

i can't think of anything else at the moment. I know surprise surprise. I'm going to bed!!!

Goodnite!

My first day of classes

On Monday I started classes at UCO. I remembered there are pretty people in the world. I know OSU OKC wasn't exactly on the southside but there just aren't pretty people on the southside. But I was walking to my class and pretty people are just flourishing.

In my comm theory class, my professor has a stutter and swears quite frequently. Stuttered curses are rather humorous. I have Intro to Comm with Chase, a guy I went to high school with. The professor is nice to look at too. Laid back. Chase has a friend that's in this class. He was tall and very pretty. Plus he was wearing a cowboy hat. I was smitten. J/k. It was the kind of hat that you see and think you can't wear that hat. But he was very pretty. I thought you can do whatever you want (to me). Hehehe. Then I have Spanish. Now I learned a little bit of spanish while in Texas, but it was very little. My professor is from Brooklyn. She speaks very fast. It's very hard to keep up when she forgets English.

monday was a good day. I'm thinking this is going to be a good semester.

Now if I could only find a place that I could afford.

The reality of things

Ok first let me get you up to speed...
I have been working on a video application for a job I'm kinda interested in. I did a lot of major filming and everything turned out to be crap. All the shots were crooked I sounded measured and fake. Parts were missing. The light wasn't cooperating and for some reason word got out that some one was filming downtown so everyone decided to drag main. It was the busiest I've seen main street ever.
On this video I had to say who I am and answer why would I be excellent for this job. I honestly could not think of one reason why I would be good. What would make me stand out? Yeah sure I can use all the adjectives anyone and everyone uses. Smart, ambitious, enthusiastic, blah blah blah. Sure I have that in me. But so does everyone else. What is it that makes me me? I'm just an average 20 year old girl. I have the whole world waiting for me and no idea what I want to do with the world. I'm a common mind with dimples and a big ass, made even more apparent by the camera. I set myself up for dissappointment. I don't know why I do these things. I get some crazy notion that can do something, I go I try to do it, and can't. Why did I even think that I could? They wouldn't have picked me anyway.
The biggest set back was not being able to say why I'd be excellent at this job.

So I give up. I take a step back to reevaluate what makes me happy and try to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Goodnite

The New Year has a few days to its credit now. OKC is completely iced over. I mean seven wrecks on a ten mile drive. The funny thing is the roads aren't that bad. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't leave the house, if I didn't have to, but if I did, the roads are doable. People just don't seem to grasp a simple concept of physics. Let gravity do the work, don't punch the gas or stomp the brakes.

I want to start yoga or tai chi. Something that I can get a workout that's very very low impact. Something peaceful. Something that will take my mind off of things. Now if I could only find the time to do it.

My brother has been home for the holiday break. At first it was ok. But the second minute I started having problems. I want to know when he thought it would be ok to treat me like the shit on his boot or the dead skunk on the highway stinkin to high heaven. I don't want to sound like Rodney Dangerfeild but I'm gettin no respect. There are a few people in one's life that are supposed to respect ya no matter what. That's your family. Lately, my brother has forgotten that. I understand his sense of humor and I know he thinks he's joking, but his comments still hurt. He disrespects me, my car, my life and when I call him on it he calls me psycho. I didn't think that wanting respect was psychotic. I thought that him going to Stillwater and living on his own away from my parents would force him to grow up and start treating people right. But it's gotten worse not better.

Classes start on Monday. I'm kinda excited about it. And I'm kinda disappointed. I almost made a career change the other day. ok technically just change jobs, but ya know. SkyWest was hiring flight attendants. I've heard the horror stories and everything, but I can't help but think that I would absolutely love that kind of traveling. I know don't really get to see the places you fly to, but it's constantly going not stuck in the same place time all the time doing the same thing. It is very appealling to an easily bored person such as myself. But I didn't take it. I wouldn't be able to go to school if I were always in the air. I need to finish school. Even if I don't work in the field I got my degree in I still have a degree. That's all that really matters. Maybe I'll try again sometime in the future.

For now my eyes are set on moving out. I'm trying to find a place I can afford on my own but that's doesn't look like that's happening so.... I'll keep looking.

Ciao bella.

My Mission Statement

It's one am. I'm at home at New Year's Eve. This is my my thoughts on the last year and hopes for the coming one.

In the last year, I have lost my grandmother, some friends and my virginity. I loved and lost my first boyfriend. I've learned a lot about life and growing up. I've experienced more than my fair share of life and I miss it. Lately, I've felt like when I turned 20, I really turned 35. In the last year, I lost all hope and faith in everything. Myself mostly. I keep wondering what happened to make me lose that eternal optimism. How did I get to this place in my life?

I'm still having trouble moving on after Patrick. I think I am getting over him but I miss what we had. Whatver that was. When I wake up in the morning, I roll over and see no one there and feel so dissappointed. Dissappointed that the love of my life is not by my side. That's just a bad way to start the day. Not saying that Patrick was. But who ever he is isn't in my life.

I want to move out so bad. It's really hard moving back in with the 'rents. But I can't help but wonder that if I feel this lonely with people around me, how lonely am I going to feel with no one there but me?

All I know is "I'm tired of drinking whiskey by myself."

2005:
I hope this year is filled with life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I hope for my urban family. I wish to find friends that I did not go to high school with. While I have fun hanging out with them, I just feel like I'm not moving on. I need to have some area in my life where I'm moving on.

I might be getting my hope back already. I mean, surely this coming year can't be as bad as the last one. There's gotta be something better in store for me.

With my parting thought, I want to wish everyone else good luck and happy new year. I hope that your year will be better than my last.

Good night!